They Will Not Notice.
Cup of pineapple juice in hand. Legs crossed, hands typing almost furiously but relaxes.
1:02pm.
Friday.
I want to write.
Sisters, can we be honest?
Maybe being a good girl is how we end up underpaid, unseen, and angry at our destiny helper.
I used to believe that my work would solely speak for me.
Now, I believe in PowerPoints.
Portfolios.
And volume.
And receipts.
And prayer.
And asking for what I want.
Because the truth?
The truth is, closed mouths don’t get promoted, they just get added to Jollof WhatsApp groups they didn’t ask for.
I was raised to be a good girl.
Smile when you are spoken to.
Don’t interrupt.
Always be considerate.
Say “thank you” as they are doing you a favour by paying you your salary.
Don’t ask for too much. It’s not ladylike.
Don’t be loud. Don’t be seen. Don’t be known. Don’t want too much.
The same species of women you will find in every Nigerian office.
You won’t notice them at first, they are polite, helpful, occasionally stylish, and always available.
They say “no problem” even when there is.
They say “I’m happy to help” even when their laptop is smoking.
They say “I don’t mind” even when they do.
I used to be her.
Basically, exist like thin air, and hope one day they will “notice your efforts”.
Let me tell you now: they will not notice.
Not like that.
They will sip water and move on.
Okay maybe they may notice you sometimes. A few nods here and there but the real thing? It is definitely in showing up wherever necessary!
You see, good girls get thank-yous.
Other girls get budgets.
Nice girls get long service awards.
Noisy girls get offers from competitors.
The girl who “doesn’t like attention” becomes the footnote.
The girl who understands visibility becomes the headline.
THE HEADLINE.
And can we be honest?
A lot of us good girls secretly resent the “other” women.
We say things like:
“She’s just showing herself.”
“She’s always forming boss babe.”
“She likes attention too much.”
But inside?
We wish we had their courage.
We wish we could want things out loud the way she does.
We wish we could take up space without shrinking or apologizing.
We want the same things but we are too afraid to be seen wanting it.
Hello good girl out there: I salute you.
But I also beg you, stop hiding behind your humility.
The world is loud. And big enough.
Speak louder.
Because if you don’t ask for what you want, you will end up begging for what you need.
And even God said, “Ask and you shall receive.”
You can be kind and still ask for more.
You can be graceful and still be seen.
You can admire bold women and learn from them not resent them.
Use your voice. Use it. Speak up.
Ask. Push. Take up space. Be “too much” if necessary.
You won’t die.
You might even get promoted.
- Document your wins
- Speak up in meetings
- Ask for more
- Stop over-apologizing
- Be your own PR
- Say what you need
- Don’t play the cool girl
- Set boundaries early
- Be expressive
- Pursue what you want loud
- Surround yourself with visible women
- Practice the discomfort of speaking up
- Be okay with not being liked
You are not wrong for being kind, soft, helpful, or humble. But you are never meant to stop there.
Humility is not silence.
Grace is not invisibility.
You can be all these things and still own your stage.
This! Oh this!! This has been me. At some point I thought I’m just very reserved…No! It’s fear. I recently participated in a competition and I would say being that “good girl” who thinks she’s reserved didn’t let me get what I wanted. I saw other girls, the bold ones, the lousy ones…they were everywhere but were getting things right and getting the attention. They made it far. I was sad and depressed for months but then I thought about it again and realised I was unnecessarily being a good girl. I read something similar this morning and this is just a confirmation that I need to get up and start speaking for myself. Thank you Favour!