Hey,
It’s me again.
I haven't written here in three weeks, and typing this makes it harder. It was one week, then two, then three, and that's when I got sad. I wrote all the time, but I never shared them because they were either too simple and missing depth, or I just felt out of place and disappointed, if I'm being honest with you. I still don't feel like my best self, but I chose to write to you nonetheless. I hope I never have to go back and delete this after publication. I hope.
Because it has been a while since I last communicated with you, I must admit that I have greatly missed our connection. The last three weeks have not been my best experience. I've felt too many emotions. Feelings of hope, regret, love, pain, confusion, doubt, hatred, happiness, concern, resentment, and even peace. Life has a tendency of throwing us unexpected problems, doesn't it? In the midst of navigating a maelstrom of emotions, dealing with the complexity of existence, and attempting to find my footing in the darkness, I have consistently pushed myself to confront life and press on regardless, but what is the truth? The truth is that I have not been doing so well.
Life has been too much for me, but at one of those moments, I learned that it's alright to not always have it together, to stumble and fall, and to find comfort in vulnerability. Despite the chaos there has remained a consistent source of light: you. This community. Our community. Your constant support, encouragement, and understanding have served as a light of hope at the darkest of times. Your messages, even when I couldn't respond, were like whispers of comfort, reminding me that I'm not alone in this journey. Life's obstacles may have kept me away for a while, but they've also reminded me of the power of human connection, the beauty in shared experiences, and the human spirit's tenacity. And I feel blessed to be able to find some strength to write to you again.
On Surviving Q1…
I started the year so well until I didnt. In March, something changed and I often felt inadequate and unfit in my creative work. Even when I tried to do it for fun. For context, I’ve been a business and marketing professional of some sort for about 4 years professionally and this spans across many sections; all of which requires critical thinking and solid creativity. 4 years! and sometimes I still find myself feeling like I’m not good enough to solve the tasks that land on my table. On some days, It gets slightly better in the moment, but the afterglow fades quickly.
My new environment isn't much better. At first, everything was exciting and fresh to me; I enjoyed everything. My job is cool and exciting, and my social calendar is more full than it has ever been. Everything exactly as I had envisioned. The highs and Lows. And I have absolutely no reason to be surprised or unhappy. Yet, for some reason, I am.
I occasionally think about my friend who asked to discontinue our friendship in January and wonder if she is okay. I relive the scenario in my thoughts numerous times and occasionally become sad. Or not. I try to think about how she's doing in this environment. She should be doing well. I sincerely hope she is okay.
I resumed at the gym and felt happy again for a bit. I have a new trainer. He seems to be happy regardless. They all seem to be like that. The gym is also quite great. My trainer and I play this game at the end of each session, which enhances my mood. I always win the game, or perhaps he just lets me win.
I began membership class at church to become a worker, but due to a work trip I made in February, I missed my last two classes, forcing me to wait until the next batch. See, I stopped being a church worker in 2019, and I have a lot of things to tell about it but that comes later. I just want this to end as soon as possible so that I can stop feeling the way I currently feel about it. And get back to serving my God.
My business celebrated its one-year anniversary in March. On the same day that my mother turned a year older, and my childhood friend married. I also met my long-term virtual friend for the first time. Those were perhaps the nicest things that has happened to me in a long time.
For the next quarter…
I never want to succumb to defeat. I'm assuming that if I stick it out long enough, the feelings will be gone. I am significantly trying to make a great life for me, even though it feels like I am fighting a losing battle.
If I could, I would swallow my pride and tell everyone who will listen how heavy I feel and how much comfort I need from these emotions. But I can't. So I'll preserve my peace and write about it whenever I can.
I welcome my feelings.
I believe that tough emotions should be welcomed since they serve as a reminder that we need to make our lives more meaningful. So, whatever feelings I encounter and sense in my body serves a purpose, and I will accept it, understand it, and strive to process them.
I could also attempt to stop being so hard on myself. Because I absolutely try enough.
I could try to say;
Favour, you are just human. I’m not saying that you can’t do extraordinary things in life but there are moments when you need to take some rest. You are not a machine. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s okay to commit mistakes. Nobody is perfect. So learn to accept the things that you can’t change. Give yourself some time to think and sort things out. Don’t allow your emotions to consume you. I know that you just feel scared on the inside because maybe you think that if you don’t do your best, you might lose everything. But if you already feel so tired, then learn to pause for a while. Allow God to teach you what to do.
More importantly, I could also say; “Favour, you are not disappointing me and you don't need to feel far away”.
Hi Favour it’s good to hear from you again here’s me hyping up Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour! Go Favour!💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾❤️❤️
So real. Wishing you a wonderful Q2!