Dear Diary,

June 20, 2025.

Today felt meaningless. I woke up to pray, and when I was done, I just couldn’t do anything else. I had work to do. I did some but nothing seemed to work today. Maybe it was the throbbing headache I woke up with. I had 10 videos to shoot, but I cancelled them. Instead, I shifted to doing admin work — it felt easier, I guess. I had an appointment later in the day. Cancelled that too.

Dear Diary, I take back everything I ever said about Korean dramas. I have laughed the most, cried the most, and felt the cheesiest in the past few days because of them. And somehow, that made me feel like a person again. Like a baby. That’s the balance. I still love my legal crime and prison documentaries, but this — this gives me something else. It reconciles things inside me.

Dear Diary, I have been thinking about my friends. Wondering how they are really doing. I try to check in. I reach out. But I don’t know if they are really okay. And I worry that they are struggling — because things are really tough out there currently. Everyone’s fighting. I know they are. But I hope they are also finding some relief, some peace, some soft moments. I hope they are learning to choose themselves, to be selfish when they need to be. I hope they know I love them, even if I can’t give them the whole world. I hope the thought of me — just the idea that I exist in their corner — brings a little joy.

Dear Diary, I have found music again. There’s Ruel now. I am back to Anson Seabra. FINNEAS keeps putting out such good work. I am rediscovering old Billie Eilish songs. An Endless Ocean has this groove that fits my mood lately. I am doing a lot of Lewis Capaldi too. John Bellion is back — he’s changed, he’s different, but it still works. And I have been reconnecting with a few Nigerian artists. There’s just so much beautiful stuff to hear right now, and I am letting myself enjoy it.

Dear Diary, I have a pastor friend now. Can you believe that? She’s so cute. I know she’s busy, so I try not to stress her, but whenever she checks in on me, I get so excited. It’s like, wow… someone’s thinking of me. That feeling stays with me longer than I expect.

Dear Diary, I feel at home these days. I now have an additional small community of godly friends who genuinely love and care for me. They are showing up for me and I think I want to focus on that. That’s what matters.

Dear Diary, I am approaching a new age, and I have been checking in with myself a lot. Auditing. Processing. But I am also learning how to just stay. I have started carving out a few days every month where I do absolutely nothing. I think today was supposed to be one of those days — or maybe it turned into one. Either way, I just told myself, “You know what? No. I am not doing this today. I am not stressing.”

Dear Diary, sometimes I get tired of having to make all the big decisions about my life alone. I wish someone could just help me choose. But I am grateful that I have emotional and mental support from the people in my life. I just still wish, once in a while, someone could take over the hard choices for me. I looked back recently. And honestly, I am not where I used to be. I have come a long way. I realize that if I just keep going and stay alive, things either work out, or they pass. They shift. They phase out. So I am holding onto that belief — that everything will be fine.

Dear Diary, can this hyperpigmentation just leave me alone? I think it’s going, though. A stranger told me yesterday that I had really great skin, and I smiled so hard. Because, truthfully, I have been struggling with it. I am not even using a moisturizer right now — just toner, some serums, sunscreen, cleanser, and a spot pad. But I have been so confused about my skincare routine lately. And honestly, why am I even worrying about this? I thought I decided not to worry about this?

Dear Diary, what do I do with my to-do list? Honestly? Trash it.

Dear Diary, I really love the clients I have. One of them is on a beautiful retainer, and I am just so grateful. I like that I am getting better at what I do. I can see the progress in my work.

Dear Diary, I have red nails on now. That’s different. My appetite seems to be coming back too. There’s a whole bunch of stuff going on. But the sun is out this evening, and that’s something. The book I am reading is starting to read me back. I think it really wants to be read by me — and that’s like yayyy.

Today I drank something simple yet exotic — a fruit mix with flavors I had never tasted before. It was the best thing.

So, Dear Diary, I guess we are fine.

I guess it is all okay.